The shadow of my stride around God’s promise illuminates motherly purpose to my heart.
I revisited The Other Side, today, as part of a new blog tradition to make a “Throwback Thursday” post part of my routine. As I scrolled through the text, my jaw dropped at how much it mirrored my notes for today’s #livefree Thursday, “I’m marked.”
“Maybe my daughters will learn to love distance running and it’s masochistic ways, too. If not in running than in something that they question why they love, until they are out there in it. I’m trying to instill an experience in them that will help shape their determination, by simply showing them who I am. I might not have it all figured out yet, but maybe that’s a good thing to accept early on in parenting.
Practice isn’t perfect, but it can make it.” -The Other Side
When the satellite TV becomes digitally distorted for a moment, I panic over what might happen if it doesn’t straighten itself out…what if I miss a play of the Browns game that could become the only highlight of our entire season?!?!?! When my motherly satellite dish gets bogged down by heavy rains of “I don’t know what to do here…,” I tend to wig completely out in a panicked search of plausible solutions.
I do not know how to keep my baby daughter from feeling defeated over getting placed on a bad behavioral chart color at school. How can I convince her that she is truly going to be OK if she will not listen to any reasonable word I have to say? What kind of crazy state comes over my baby when she cries in fear before I even know what I should be mad about?
“Lo Lo,” I assured, “I promise I will not be mad at you, baby…just tell me what happened.” (Famous last words, mom.)
“It will only make it worse if I tell you.”
Make what worse? What did I miss?
I could tell the dread of having to run laps around the property (punishment for breaking four very broad house rules that can be applied to almost any circumstance) was already starting to cause a “crank” in her side. But there was nothing to be punished for yet…
And then the self torture began as my mind launched into the outer realms of space where the occasions in which I totally lost my cool hang out…and then I started, once again, to doubt my parenting abilities. I started to feel all kinds of crazy …and defeated …and like I am going to screw these kids up for eternity.
“I’m trying to instill an experience in them that will help shape their determination, by simply showing them who I am.” -The Other Side
God wants that for us. He wants to help shape our determination by showing us who He is.
“I AM, “he told Moses in Exodus 3:14, “I AM WHO I AM.”
He is all that we will ever need, because He has planned out every minute of our lives. God layered each life with purpose so profound that He states the only provision required is His plan, for the deployment of which He sent His Son…and His Spirit.
“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” -Ephesians 1:13-14
Mothers are not made mothers by accident. God meant to give me these children. It was no mistake. God’s plan is perfect and His timing is perfect, but my understanding of His perfect will is anything but.
If I can learn to relax in my purpose and create habits of seeking out His Word and giving what I have to Him each day, then my daughters will be well-equipped to apply the same principles in their own lives. I have no doubt it will be hard to watch them stretch out to grasp Him in their own time. But by prayer and discipline in my own life and walk with Christ, I can do my human best to lead them to the path of righteousness.
In Paul’s letter to Timothy, he reminds his young padawan in the faith of the example he gleaned from his mother and grandmother. Two generations of faithful servants led Timothy’s feet to the start of his own path to answer God’s call on his life.
“I am calling up memories of your sincere and unqualified faith, a faith that first lived permanently in the heart of your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am fully persuaded, dwells in you also.” -2Timothy1:5
Isn’t that marvelous? Paul didn’t say Timothy’s mother and grandmother were perfect. They were marked.
I am marked.
Every night, as I scroll through my camera roll in the quiet of a post-bedtime house, I am reminded of how blessed I am by the simple smiles of the day. A midst the selfies, photo bombs, and “send this one to daddy” poses, it’s there. That look of love. They were looking at me, today… And we were all smiling.
What if we captured one of those moments and brought it, and Ephesians 1:13-14, with us to our time with God the very next day? What a powerful reminder of God’s mark of “mom-hood,” and positive way to launch the day.
The next time you’re struggling in a panic for “what to do,” remind yourself to be yourself.
It’s already in you.
If you need to take a lap around God’s mark, send your kids out to run one! “Practice isn’t perfect, but it can make it.”
Happy #Livefree Thursday!