Applying ointment my daughter’s scalp, I prayed she didn’t have a serious illness causing her to scratch it raw in her sleep. I reached for the tea tree oil halfway through the night, hoping it wasn’t the possibility of little critters reeling through my mind. At breakfast, she happily announced the itching was gone. Somewhat relieved but still curious and a bit skeptical, I filtered through her scalp as the morning sun lit the kitchen.
Two and a half hours later, I came to the last inch of my daughter’s hair …and they fell into the sink.
“Sneaky little buggers!” I yelled in pure …freaking-out …disgust.
They ran for two hours. I’m itching as I write this. I itched for weeks, having to mentally reminding myself they were gone.
When my kids graduated to the Intermediate school, I let my guard down. There were literally bigger things to worry about. So, she bounced her heart out one winter day in bounce house heaven with her hair flying all over the place like she loves. I should have put a pulled it back- I told her to pull back …but some days I simply pick not to win certain arguments.
A lack of preventative maintenance leads to regret.
Psalm 130:4 reminds us, “But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.” NIV
Life is full of regrets, but un-forgiveness isn’t a healthy place to park our minds. Often, we see forgiveness as something we ask God for and give to others, but I often find it’s hardest for me to let myself off the hook.
Replace regret with reconciliation.
Through Jesus, we are forgiven. (Acts 13:38) Our God, is a forgiving God. Reconciliation happens through restored relationship. When we depend on another person for reconciliation, it’s not always a guarantee. We can’t control people’s hearts, but we choose to confess and be reconciled to God, through Jesus. (Matthew 26:28) Guilt and shame for our lack do not come from Him. He is Love.
It took me at least a week to comb through every part of my life and to find the root of a dark soul itch. Self-doubt and disqualifying lies were pelting the space between my ears like frozen precipitation. Inch by inch, I rerouted my thoughts, took them captive and flipped them back to truth. Down to the last foothold …a stronghold …bent on destroying me…
When “YOU-ARE-AN-UNFORGIVING-PERSON!” was used against me in an argument, I crumbled. I live and preach forgiveness, and felt accusations of failure mounting.
The last inch. The button released tears I’d talked back. When the garage door closed, I cried out. I picked my phone up, put it down, and then picked it back up again. I typed out “pray …” through the mist and hit send to my God girls. I ugly wept, asking God to search my heart for any shreds of truth to that accusation …to comb through every last inch …and get rid of it.
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance of God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:7 NIV
Un-forgiveness can become lodged in the dusty corners of our hearts. We think we have fully forgiven, until that ugly feeling comes up all over again as we think about what happened. Un-forgiving is an unfair accusation. Just because someone calls us un-forgiving doesn’t mean we’re un-forgiving. And just because we struggle with forgiveness in the last inch …doesn’t make us anything but HUMAN. God knows our hearts, and how hard we earnestly try to hand over our deepest hurts and hangups to Him.
Accusations can deceitfully convict us to believe them. I let the name of Jesus loft into the air and bounce off the walls of my home. In the middle of a frigid MidWest winter, neighbors overhearing didn’t cross my mind. With every cry, I choose to grip His peace a little tighter. I’ve never felt so harassed, poked at, and prodded with. The devil will dig into a lie we are tempted to believe about ourselves or fear the most.
“God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5 NIV
Jesus is the Light. At the sound of His name, darkness flees. Our daily priorities determine how we will fight in the last inch. When we feel hopeless, worthless, helpless, and not enough …convinced we’ve lost the fight …consider submitting to loser status …and see how broken we are. We are pressed and pushed to give up, give in and throw our arms up in the air. We will most definitely ugly cry in that last inch. And hopefully, we will cry out to God. We need to give it up. We are losing the fight. We are broken. We are being pushed around, harassed, and messed with until we are ugly-cry-screaming with our arms up in the air.
Live everyday life in preparation for these moments. Get into the Word, pray, and pay attention to the people He’s placed in proximity to pray in the last inch.
Jesus is our strength. In the last inch, we learn hands on what we read about in Scripture everyday. Anyone who’s lived a little bit of life in the last inch can testify. Throw your arms up. Cry out. And call on the name above all names, more powerful than any name …JESUS. It took mere minutes to replace hopelessness with peace. I just had to remember it was there, and how powerful He is.
Happy combing …(who are we kidding …there’s nothing happy about that! lol)